well. its freaking 3 am and i just wanna go to bed but your house is creepy and im not gonna go downstairs by myself while you sit up here and cuddle with your boyfriend and listen to each others heartbeats with a stethoscope and make googly eyes at each other. you two honestly make me sick, and not because im bitter and jealous. but because youre both immature as hell. i cant fucking stand him. you have a kid. grow the fuck up. what you two have is not love. its just the equivalent of another high school relationship. just because he’s 20 doesnt make it anymore childish or immature. youre boyfriend of 2 months today has been living with you since you guys first started dating pretty much. thats not a fucking healthy relationship. he’s enabling you to smoke spice. onjce again, you have a kid. i wish you would wake the hell up and realize youre acting like an immature sixteen year old despite what you think. ive been more than lenient and cooperative today. he wants to be fucking immature and just plain rude to me and you dont even care because youre such a self obsessed bitch and i still honestly have no clue why im friends with you or why i ever agreed to be friends with you after i found out you were fucking pregnant. everyone knew that cody was going to fuck you over but you were just too damned hopeful and thats exactly what youre doing now too. youre so fucking insecure and you dont need a relationship that is just enabling your insecurities. thats all that ryan fucking does. i fucking hate him and i cant fucking stand you. youre still nothing but a confused, spineless child sam. grow the fuck up. not to mention the fact that you guys have fucking been living together everyday for two months, like why the fuck do you have to be all damned mushy gushy together when you fucking invite company over!! damn. grow the fuck up. i sat up hear while you guys fucking had sex earlier. how much more of a better friend can i be?? and just like always, you are not a good friend in return. whatsoever. at least with alisha, i left her drunk with a bunch of people so that i could go have sex and cuddle with a guy that i barely got to see, you would leave me in that situation with people i barely knew to have sex and spend time with a guy that you got to see everyday and i have no doubt of that. i know that i would do the same for alisha though and you would not do the same for me hun. the more i think about this, the more i cant fucking stand you. grow the fuck up and deal with your real damned problems, like wanting to cut, what the hell are you gonna do when ryan isnt there to fix all your fucking problems hun. what then?? because i promise you, he wont always fucking be in your life. youre such a naive little bitch and i cant wait for alisha to get home so i can cuddle in her bed with her and i have more fun on the phone with alisha than ive had in every time ive spent the night with you since ryan moved in. gah. i think thats all.
when i think about tigers, it makes me think of you. i hope you fucking die in a very slow painful way. i hope you die from cancer or something horrible. or a heart attack. i lay in bed at night, thinking of ways to kill you and get away with it. honestly, you shouldnt play the cute littel aw i feel so honored xD act, you should feel fucking scared. sometimes im scared of myself and i dont know limits nowadays. i push until its too far and i want to push your head into a sidewalk with my foot. fuck you you bitch.
that shouldve been us..and the worst part is you know it too.
ughh. fuck you. thats the only thing that makes me feel better. that i can scream fuck you at the top of my lungs.
i hate everything thats happened this year. all the changes ive gone through. how i have no conscience or care. i dont have any desire to care or to try to please anyone. i hate my bestfriend at times. she doesnt care that her family thinks im a slut. no one ever does. but yet i would kill one of my family members if they talk bad about my friends. especially alisha. but she doesnt care. like verything else in her life, she only cares about herself. and i thought that i was her one exception for some reason. that she genuinely cared about me and i meant the world to her. but no, our friendship will end some day along with all the others. so why am i even waiting. why do i even bother with her. or anyone. i think way too much about ways to get away with murder. the easiest way to sneak into someones house and kill them. i have a crazy demented dark side that i dont remember having six months ago. the way i hated madison was the closest i ever came to feeling like this and that was absolutely nothing in comparison to this. i hate it but i love it. i love being so bold and fierceless when i need to be, but i hate that i love it… i know i shouldnt.
i hate that i miss you sometimes even though youve changed so much. i mis who you were. more importantly, who we wer. and how you made me feel. even if it was all a lie.
(Source: whitepaperconfessions)
i hate that at times i want this back, because now, frankly im such a bitch..
(Source: whitepaperconfessions)
